Reason To Be Happy

'I have always been a happyman, except some weird moments' by Santaji

What I used to be like, was a happy, caring, thoughful and successful girl. I was always surrounded by good people (except the miserable 7th grade), adored by classmates, and somehow I had always been the opinion leader.
(Here let me say it again why English is making me uncomfortable. I would love to say 'have' instead of 'had', but right now I am just not sure whether I am still the same sort of person)

Perhaps it's loneliness that made me hide my feelings under the box, or the past hurt that made me put up a mask. But let's be frank, I was one happy girl even when I always kept a certain distance with Taiwanese friends. Then, what could have cause this sophistication?

I guess, in Taiwan I was hardly ever being misunderstood. I was never in any awkward situation. I could 'behave nice and well-educated'. The fact is (yes professor O you got me, I really am a drama queen) I love to appear nice. I avoid fights, I run away when I can.
And the bottomline is I was accepted by the Taiwanese people there. I felt safe. No weird rikhshawala would say only Rs. 250 to go from Model Town to FCC, no weird people would try to touch me(which is real annoying) or making fun by saying'chin chung chung chung', and no juice wala would tell you the juice you just drank cost Rs 200. (Wait wait, it's not always about money, I am sensitive to it because it relates to justice.) As you know situations like this force me to get out from my perfect comfort zone, I had to learn how to become defensive, or how to fight for what should be right. Yes maybe like a mom.




Is it all worthy..............to fight?





I don't like fighting, it makes me feel less perfect.


Honestly, I am not even sure. But it is more like I have to fight for my logics, for what I have been taught as fairness, I just can't compromise when I see that sort of smiles of cheating on people's faces. And what can I do as a foreign girl? 'Ye ghlad hai!' What I appreciate from palak is that he can always be polite, he has endless kind smiles. But I can't, I just can't, and I am extremely pissed when I know they chose to be mean on purpose. What about the Johar town house owner and our 1 lakh security? He never returned the money and it is not the time you be nice and educated, people here just don't leave you a chance to be gentle.


And what also upsets me on a daily base level is.....yes where is the equality of people? I don't get it. What difference does it make whether you drive a bike or a Toyota corolla? Does it matter where you live or shop, and what you eat and wear? I don't know why but often it gives me pressure to satisfy what people think 'it is supposed to be like' I don't get why people judge how much they should respect you on what you have, and why people look down on themselves for what they don't have. It challenges everytime when a beggar comes. Why do you have to beg? If you say you need money for food, then sure here is the food I can contribute, why don't you take it? Why can't people respect and love themselves as well as others just based on the fact that we are the creation of God?



I am upset when I cannot change things.



But agian, if I was in Taiwan, I would have to study very hard to satisfy the expectations of 'being a top student'. I would be stuck in relationships with some guys. I would have the pressure of never being good enough. I would be so busy in competitions and involvement of clubs. I would not be able to enjoy my kitchen and the tiny pirates, esthat
especially that one pirate named Buffs. And I would not know how to speak buff urdu. Life will be whole lot different.


As far as the concern of comfort zone, I think it's an important lesson of life to extend your comefort zone, or let's say learn how to breath out of safety bubble. And it's one of the few things I can actually learn from Pakistan :P Just kidding.




From a talented princess, I became more of a fearless pirate.
Reason to be happy, is why not to be happy.




Note:
1. Professor O said he thought I was a pirate who never cries, but the thing is I am so so sensitive to the surrounding justice. At the registration I wasn't treated nicely and according to my logic, it was unfair. I cried, because something was unfair.