Pirate as a girl

This is a blog that I wish I can type freely what I feel. But there are things that I should keep as secrets since they are not only related to me alone.(so don’t blame me if you find all my diaries …. You know.
So one thing I was asking myself today was, why would I always try to include santaji in my circle of friends? Why would I try to involve him in my work when he has nothing to do with it? For instance, I asked him to make balance sheet for our FAST business idea. (which was fun because we ran out of time and did only 16/50 slides). I could have asked palak.
And I have been sending so many ‘hey I guess I’ll see you in october’ messages (it means I won’t be able to see you before I leave for holiday) and constantly, I say constantly I have been sending ‘I miss you’ that sort of childish messages. I don’t know why. Palak told his friend in Truth and Truth and if he had to sacrifice his life for one close friend, then that person would be me. I told santaji that if I had to marry one person from FC it’d be either palak or prof.O (which I changed my mind because he is pinkie and I am #1126 on his list) since they are my friends. If I had to marry a guy in Pakistan then it would be santaji because I get a sense of security around him. But sometimes I wonder if I am trying too hard to get to know santaji and all. Obviously he doesn’t need me as much as I need him, I mean emotionally, but I guess, hey, let’s face it, it’s my problem. I think I like to rely on someone, give out my secrets, feel protected and cherished etc. And I think santaji is that sort of people (like my ex-boyfriend) who I just try way too hard to maintain a relationship.
On one side I was dreaming like a girl that what it’d be like to spend the rest of my life with any of you. I mean, it would be fun because I know you guys ADORE me especially Palak. Lalalala so it is a good thing that I have made up my mind to find an European, and now I can freely be your friend. Otherwise I could fall in love so easily I guess (somebody needs to stop me for being a cat)
That’s all I got to say. I am turning 20, I should be sensible in things I do or things I think in my head. It is a blessing to have amazing friends.

But I think I will be very jealous of my guys' wives. I guess I should be more sensible. Be strong. And still hope that we will be BFF.